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This Is the Phalloplasty Memoir You Have Been Waiting For
Finlay Games' Top To Bottom Is An Outstanding Guide to the Phalloplasty Experience
"This book is about my penis. This is my story of going through lower surgery, specifically phalloplasty, and the adventures I have with my changing genitals along the way. Welcome to my journey." — Finlay Games
If you've been in the online trans community for any amount of time, you surely know who Finlay Games is. With 10 years of blogging and vlogging his gender transition story as 'FinnTheInFinncible', Finn has become one of the most helpful resources for anyone considering gender transition. Finn has written for various publications and spoken at events about his transgender experiences as well as his recovery from addiction and mental ill-health. He also works as a coach and mentor, supporting transgender people through their personal transition journeys. Top to Bottom – A Memoir and Personal Guide Through Phalloplasty, published by Jessica Kingsley Publishers in April 2021, is his first book.
Initially, Finn was certain that bottom surgery was not in his cards, but eventually decided to explore his surgical options and went on to have Phalloplasty. In Top To Bottom, Finn details the physical and emotional journey of Phalloplasty, from the initial decision-making through each stage of the surgery to its completion. He describes how he had to relearn his body, sexuality and relationships, and shares his wealth of advice on donor site options, the referral process, recovery and looking after your mental health. Part memoir, part self-help guide, Top To Bottom is the insightful, witty and deeply honest book that so many of us on a similar path have been hungry for.
Finn was kind enough to take the time answer some questions about how he came to write this much-needed guide to the Phalloplasty experience.
With a popular YouTube channel and social media presence where you have shared so much about your transition, what made you decide to write a book?
I had always intended to write a book, I wanted to share my transgender story, especially because my narrative is different than the common media version. I am an older trans man, and there are few stories about those who discover themselves as trans later in life.
When I started my transition in 2011, there was a lot of myths around lower surgery, and it received a lot of negativity from the trans community. Not many people were opting to have it and the general message was that at best it was rarely successful and at worst it carried incredibly dangerous risks. It was hard to find any positive experiences, at all, and so for a long time I believed that successful lower surgery was not possible. I was therefore adamant I would never have it.
However, in 2014, my genital dysphoria worsened, and I realized I needed lower surgery. I began to do more research. To my surprise, I discovered that the myths about lower surgery were largely untrue and a successful outcome was possible. I read the book Hung Jury which completely changed my view. The courageous firsthand stories in this book were immensely helpful to me. However, they didn't tell the whole picture. I needed a story that followed the entire experience from start to finish, with more depth of experience.
I decided then, to fill this gap myself, by including my phalloplasty experiences within my transgender memoir. This would also allow me to go into more detail than I could on my YouTube channel and blog. It was also important to me, to show a more balanced view of lower surgery, to help to combat some of the pervasive myths that still circulated. However, once I started writing, and the further along my surgery journey I travelled, I realized there was far more to say than a broad transition memoir could contain.
I therefore decided to dedicate one entire memoir to my phalloplasty journey. Having an entire book would give me the room to talk about the process more in great depth. I could include the practical and emotional aspects, the decision-making process, the surgery and recovery, and my experiences of discovering my sexual self. An entire book was the only way to do this incredible journey justice.
What do you hope those who are pursuing Phalloplasty will get out of this book?
My hope is that this book will help people pursuing surgery to feel less alone. Making decisions about lower surgery is challenging and going through the surgery is even more so. And it's hard to know what to expect, and if the surgery is worthwhile. Medical information can give us facts and figures, but to really know if this is something we want, lived experiences are vital. Hearing firsthand, from another trans person, is key in this journey.
I also hope that this book will help to demonstrate that lower surgery can be successful. There is so much fear about this surgery, and much of that fear is caused by misinformation. I hope to show a more balanced view, reassuring people that whilst this surgery can have complications, these can be overcome to result in a very pleasing outcome.
Is this the book that you wish you had in your hands when you were earlier in transition?
Absolutely yes! My mission, in everything I create and with this memoir, is to create the kind of content I wished I had access too at the start of my journey. A book like this would have made it far easier to work through decisions and to know what to expect.
If you could send a message to yourself 10 years ago saying that you would be publishing this book, what do you think your reaction would be?
Honestly, I would laugh and not believe it! 10 years ago, I was a very poorly man. I was very mentally unwell and addicted to drugs and alcohol. I didn't know at the time, that this was largely due to undiagnosed gender dysphoria. Getting sober, I finally realized I was trans and started my transition. However, I still would not have believed the life I have today was possible. I wouldn't have thought I was capable of writing a book, and certainly would never have thought I would be sharing publicly about a topic so intimate!
It gives me so much joy now, that I can use my experiences to help others. All that pain years ago now has a purpose. It is no longer something I look back on with pain and regret. I now see it as a gift that I can use to help others to recover their own lives.
Your target audience is likely bigger than just those considering Phalloplasty. Who else do you think would enjoy this book and what do you hope they'll get out of it?
I do have a very diverse audience. I think this is because of the way that I share in both my videos and blog posts. I don't just talk about the practical aspects of gender transition, but also the deep existential topics, of what it is like to live in the world as a transgender person. This means I also touch on topics of mental ill health, addiction, and insights into my own self development and growth. This means that many people, who aren't trans can also relate, because so much of the experience is also universal. We all want to feel comfortable in our skin, to love ourselves, to live our truth, to overcome our past, and find the power to rewrite our futures.
Top to Bottom has been written in the same way. It does talk directly about the surgery and practical aspects of recovery but the main core of the book drops deeply into the lived experience. I talk about how it feels to adapt to a changing body, I share frankly about exploring my new body, with myself and with others. This is something many people can relate to, and so again, the reading of this is very universal.
This book is written with trans people in mind. However, it will be incredibly useful for partners of trans people, and for anyone supporting a trans person through this surgery. It will help them to understand why surgery is so important, and what to expect, thus preparing them for the best ways to provide support. I think it will also be useful for anyone wanting to more deeply understand trans lives. Surgery can often be seen as a choice by those who are not trans or perhaps don't understand trans lives. Top to Bottom shows the pain of having a body that doesn't match our gender and the euphoria when it finally does.
What did you edit out of this book?
Oh, good question! Well, the reality is, with writing a memoir, you do need to censor a fair bit!! It is tricky to write because there are real people involved. But in reality, very little has been edited out, it is more that it was reworded to avoid any issues.
For example, it was important to me to give space in the book for negative experiences. When it comes to healthcare, we trans people often have bad experiences in the hands of health care professionals. I didn't want to sugar coat that. However, at times I have had to tone it down a little in order to avoid legal issues.
My publisher understood how important it was to me, to stay as true and exact to the process as it happened. This is why I gave Jessica Kingsley Publishers my book, they are well practiced with gender literature and I wouldn't have trusted this book in anyone else's hands. I worked closely with the editors to find way to stay true to my story whilst also being careful to not cause offence or harm to anyone who appears in my story. I am very grateful for their patience and understanding.
What personal revelations came to you in the process of writing this book?
My phalloplasty journey, the surgery, and the experiences I had with my changing body brought many personal revelations. It was this which motivated me to dedicate an entire book to the process because there was so much to say! However, in writing these experiences I relived them and was often taken aback by the enormity of change and personal growth the experience of having a penis has had on me.
Recalling the journey and writing the book really brought home the enormity of the journey and how much we are still lacking in terms of the emotional support for trans people through this process. I am often contacted for advice around surgery, and I love to help in this way, but I wanted to do more.
During the process of writing this book, I graduated from the Open University. And, thanks to the Covid induced lockdown, I become confident using Zoom. My revelation then, was to begin offering myself as a coach and mentor for trans people navigating their journeys. I am loving being able to use my experiences in this way to help others.
Why is having your memoir be part of the recorded history of gender transition particularly important right now, in 2021?
As trans people, we have come a long way since I first came out in 2011. We are more visible now, in society, in media and in literature and this means many people are able to recognize themselves earlier as transgender. The downside to this visibility, is the rising transphobia in society. It is more important than ever that we hear from trans people, what it is to be trans, and not the damaging rhetoric which is often spun by those who are opposed to trans people.
It is also important to hear the triumphs, the joys, and the achievements of trans people, so that others can know that this journey, though not easy in the current climate, is one that brings much inner peace and contentment in being able to live our lives as our true selves. It is also important that these stories reflect the diversity of the trans experience, as trans people find themselves and travel their journeys in a variety of ways, come from various backgrounds and have unique challenges. Having my memoir be part of recorded history then, in terms of a transgender story, is to add my own unique narrative to this growing collection of positive voices and experiences.
In terms of a surgery memoir, it is even more poignant at this current time. There is still very little firsthand information on this rapidly evolving surgery. More people are choosing to share their stories in blogs and on YouTube, but few memoirs exist, and none follow the entire process in detail from start to finish. Firsthand accounts are vital in helping us to navigate decisions and to know what to expect in our lower surgery journey.
Top to Bottom is a groundbreaking first of its kind memoir to document in detail, not just the entire journey, but also the profound lived experience of adapting to a changing body, and rediscovering sex and sexuality. It is not easy to be as open as I am with such intimate aspects of my life, but I know this honesty is needed and will make a huge difference to others. It is knowing the impact that Top to Bottom will have going forward that makes my vulnerability feel very worthwhile.
Thank you, Finn!
Finlay Games is a transgender gay man, and the author of Top to Bottom: A Memoir and Personal Guide Through Phalloplasty. He is also a YouTuber and blogger, where, drawing from his lived experiences, Finlay shares candidly on topics of gender, sexuality, addiction, and mental health. Finlay also provides education, information and support, in his work as a public speaker and life coach.
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/FinnTheInfinncible
Website: https://finlaygames.com/my-books/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/FinlayGames
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/finntheinfinncible/
Stay up to date with my Newsletter: http://eepurl.com/dM7Zw2
Win a Free Book!
To celebrate the release of Top To Bottom, we're giving away three copies of the book. Entering the contest is easy! Just leave a comment below about why you would like to read Top To Bottom and what you hope to get out of it. Three entrants will be randomly selected to win a copy of the book. Be sure to read the contest rules too! Good luck!
Contest Rules
Registration Deadline: September 16, 2021. Drawing will be held on or about September 17, 2021.
Prizes: Three winners will receive one copy of Top To Bottom.
Eligibility: Age 18 and over only. Entries much be received between 12:00pm PST on August 26, 2021 and 11:59:59 p.m. PST September 16, 2021 ("Contest Period"). Maximum of one entry per person.
Selection of Winner: Winner will be determined by a random draw on or about September 17, 2021 (from among eligible entries submitted during the Contest Period). Winner will be notified by a comment reply on or about September 17, 2021. Odds of winning depend on the number of eligible entries received.